


He Has to Be Joking

by Iamacarrot



Series: Good Dad/Bad Dad [3]
Category: Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018)
Genre: Boys In Love, First Dates, Humor, Lady and the Tramp (1955) References, M/M, Overprotective Fathers, Spaghetti Scene, Splinter and Draxum Don't Trust the Ronin, not one bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23991646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iamacarrot/pseuds/Iamacarrot
Summary: After finding out that Leo is on a date with Usagi, Splinter and Draxum follow them to see what sort of antics Usagi plans on getting Leo into.
Relationships: Leonardo/Miyamoto Usagi
Series: Good Dad/Bad Dad [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692583
Comments: 11
Kudos: 72





	He Has to Be Joking

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"Dad-"

"No!"

"Draxum-"

_"NO!"_

Leo let out a loud, drawn out groan of frustration, stimming briefly before storming off to plop down onto his bed. This was the fifth time that day that Leo had attempted to convince his fathers to let him go on a date with his boyfriend, and every time he was met with the same reactions. By this point, Leo was convinced that 'No' was the only word his parents knew, and he whined into his pillow for almost three complete minutes. After his tantrum, Leo grabbed his phone, scrolling through his contacts until he reached April's number.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 **ISureHopeItDoes** : April?

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Yeah?

 **ISureHopeItDoes** : Could you do me a flavor?

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : It depends. What flavor is it?

 **ISureHopeItDoes** : Carnival Hot Dog Day.

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : So... you're goin' on a date with that rabbit yokai?

 **ISureHopeItDoes** : Yes, I'm going on a date with Usagi.

 **ISureHopeItDoes** : At least, I'm supposed to.

 **ISureHopeItDoes** : My dads are being stupid and can't say anything other than "No".

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Well you know how they are. Or, at least how Splints is.

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : They just want what's best for you.

 **ISureHopeItDoes** : But USAGI is what's best for me!

 **ISureHopeItDoes** : He's nice, and respectful, and he's always making sure to bring me artifacts from his adventures!

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Okay, that's adorable.

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : What do you need me to do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a devious smile, Leo explained his plan to April, going into great detail what needed to happen down to the millisecond. Around 7:30 that night, Leo waited for his family to turn on a Lou Jitsu movie before claiming that he received a call from Hueso. Leo was then brushed off and allowed to leave, and he snickered as he snuck out of the sewers, stopping at April's house to carry out the next part of their plan.

"Alright, we've got your suit ready, claws trimmed and done, scales and lashes plucked, and you are doused in the perfect amount of the most recent human cologne that will make your night go smoothly." April's announcement stirred up butterflies in Leo's stomach, and he took a few deep breaths before calling Usagi. A few more minutes passed before Usagi was knocking on April's apartment door, dressed up just as well. "Ooh! Look at you lovebirds! All ready for a romantic date!"

"Ms. O'Neil, I do believe that you are only adding on to Leonardo-san's nervousness." Usagi pointed out jokingly, gesturing to Leo's growing blush. "A silly thing, considering how we've done things that should have destroyed his very knowledge of the word nervous."

"USAGI!" Leo yelped, hiding his face in his hands. Two chuckles came from Usagi and April, slowly but surely cooling Leo's nerves. Three brief goodbyes led Usagi to link his arm with Leo's, silently leading the Slider out of the apartment. Once they were gone, April smiled, feeling proud of her best friend. In an attempt to wind down, April walked into her room, lying back on her bed and humming when she noticed that Splinter and Draxum had been texting her since Leo arrived at her house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : April? Is Leonardo with you right now?

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : April?

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : April!

 **DoILookLike?!** : O'Neil! Answer us this instant!

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : April! Tell us where our son is!

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : April! Watashitachi no musuko wa dokodesu ka?!

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Geez Splints! Calm down!

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : You act like you think Leo is committing a crime!

 **DoILookLike?!** : If he is out on a date with than vermin Ronin, then he IS committing a crime!

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Oy vey. You two are hopeless.

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : I mean, seriously? Your son is in love! Shouldn't you be supporting him?

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : It is not that I don't support my little boy, April, as I am incredibly proud of him for finding love despite our situation.

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : What I DO NOT SUPPORT is the fact that my son is in love with a RONIN!

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Really Splints? What is this, Fuedal Japan? Just because Usagi is a Samurai doesn't mean you should hate him.

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Plus, since when do YOU of all "people" care about this kind of stuff? You spent a majority of your life being a movie star and ignoring your family's heritage and stories.

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : Trust me, April. There are many things that have stayed in my mind that you will never wish to know.

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Spooky. But, still, Leo is out enjoying himself and being treated like the queen he is. Can you at least TRY to act like a decent father?

 **DoILookLike?!** : . . .

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Right. Father(s).

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : Very well. We will not do anything to make ourselves known.

 **ShawtyIDon'tMind** : Nor will you do anything to ruin their date?

 **BoogieWoogieWoogie** : You have our word.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You know, Jitsu, I never thought about you as the type of parent who would lie to your offspring in such a way."

Splinter scoffed, shifting on his feet as he sat in wait with Draxum in Run-of-the-Mill. According to their sources- Hueso -Leo had made reservations at the restaurant for a personal spaghetti dinner. When asked why this was allowed, Hueso responded by admitting that he couldn't deny Leo the ability to be happy. Hueso then proceeded to claim that this was the happiest he had ever heard Leo, and Hueso also stated that he was surprised that Splinter and Draxum weren't as accepting. In response, Splinter simply spat out that his approval of Leo's relationship was none of Hueso's business, and Draxum would be lying if he said his interest in Splinter didn't pique after the statement.

"My family may not be the most serious family in the world, and I may not be the best father in terms of raising them, but if there is one thing that they should always rely on me for, it is my ability to do everything I can to keep them safe and do what's best for them." Splinter looked at Draxum with a dark, stone cold glare. "Even if it means hurting them in the process."

Draxum kept a straight face, nodding in understanding. Five minutes later, Leo and Usagi appeared at the restaurant, being sat down at their own personal table a couple tables in front of Splinter and Draxum. The first hour of the dinner consisted of Leo and Usagi talking about their weeks whilst being treated to free appetizers, courtesy of Hueso himself, who- for some reason -couldn't help but spoil the Slider, despite the trouble that he usually brought with him. Half an hour later, Usagi started to order small portions of the most expensive looking meals on the menu, spoon feeding Leo to the point where the turtle could only blush with every new dish. Another half hour was spent between the two allowing time for the food to digest, laughing and finishing up a conversation before Usagi ordered one large plate of spaghetti. Along with the food came a small band, serenading the two suddenly. Leo squealed, burying his face in Usagi's neck.

"You are so terrible and amazing at the same time!" Leo shouted, the smile in his voice evident. "How do you do it?!"

"It is simply a power of mine, Leonardo-san." Usagi replied, running a thumb along Leo's cheek. Leo giggled at the touch, leading Usagi to chuckle, somewhat surprised by Leo's somewhat out of character response. "Are you alright, my love?"

Leo gasped aloud, pushing Usagi back quickly and taking a deep breath. An apology was given before Leo grabbed a fork, twirling a bit of spaghetti on the fork and taking the first bite of the meal. Usagi mimicked the action, both males taking a look around the restaurant as they ate. All the while, Splinter had nearly broken Draxum's hand with every passing second, clearly pissed off by the way Usagi was spoiling Leo.

Halfway into the song being sung, Leo and Usagi found themselves chewing on the same noodle, looking each other in the eye and smiling widely. Of course, being the teenagers they were, Leo and Usagi continued chewing on the noodle, leaning closer and closer at a fast pace. Before they could kiss, however, Splinter raced in between the two, slicing the noodle in half with a kunai. This was enough to shock Leo into being sick, and he raced into the bathroom, just barely being able to reach a toilet before vomiting violently. Meanwhile, Usagi was staring at Splinter with wide eyes, flying backwards as a Shuriken was thrust against his neck, just barely going through Usagi's fur.

"I don't know what you think you're doing, but if I _ever_ find you trying to court my son like this again, I _will not hesitate_ to skin you and leave you to die a horrific and painful death." Splinter warned, ears swiveling back at the sound of the bathroom door opening slowly. When he looked back, Splinter caught sight of Draxum helping Leo out of the bathroom, staying silent throughout the ordeal.

"Dad! Are you... ugh... are you... oh geez... serious?!" Leo asked slowly, swaying and groaning as he kept a tight hold on his stomach. "This is why... I can't believe you...! Ohmigosh. Draxum, take me back to the bathroom. _TAKE ME BACK TO THE BATHROOM!"_

"Oh, my poor love. I had a feeling he might have eaten too much." Usagi sighed, ears perking as Splinter took a step back. "Splinter-san? Is something the matter?"

"Anata wa hontōni watashi no musuko o ki ni shimasu ka?" Splinter asked lowly, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"Hai, watashi wa totemo ki ni shimasu." Usagi confirmed, standing up and bowing respectfully. "Watashi wa Reonarudo o yorokoba seru tame ni nandemo shimasu. Kare no shiawase to anzen o kakuho suru tame."

Splinter huffed, stroking his beard for a short while before bowing as well. "Very well. You clearly make him happy, and I trust that you, as a Samurai, would make sure that no harm comes to him."

"Why, Splinter-san, I am honored to-"

" _However_ , that _does not mean_ that I completely trust you at this point. Thus meaning that there will be _plenty of ground rules_." Splinter then stood up on a table, towering over Usagi to make his rules more intimidating. "To start off, you will _never_ take my son out _anywhere_ outside of our home. Secondly, you will stay within three feet of our family's eyesight at _all times_ when you are with him. Thirdly, there is absolutely _no. Fucking. Way._ That you will _ever_ be alone with my son in his room until/if I decide you will be allowed to marry him. On the topic of marriage, you two will date until Leonardo is of legal age plus three years, and if neither of you shows signs of infidelity, you may marry; though on one condition: You will not be able to consummate the marriage until four years of being married. If I find out that any sort of intercourse has happened between you two, I will immediately make sure that Donatello creates a security system that will go off on and kill you before you get even five feet away from our home. Lastly, you will have five hours a day to spend with Leonardo. Is all of this clear?"

With a heavy, somehow noticeable blush, Usagi nodded, his fur standing on end. Splinter grunted in approval, immediately ordering Usagi to leave afterwards. Once the rabbit was gone, Leo stormed into the restaurant once more, finally having gotten over his brief sickness. Before Leo could say anything, Splinter went over the rules he had set for Usagi, leaving no time in between each one for Leo to object to. By the time Splinter was done, Leo was cherry red, agreeing to every rule without looking at either of his fathers. No words were spoken as Leo raced out of the restaurant, leaving Splinter and Draxum to apologize to Hueso for the troubles, whom had been watching the entire thing. A look of great confusion was on Hueso's face, and he grabbed the two fathers' attention before asking a question in the most serious manner he ever had.

"Not counting the four years until his legal age, you are going to _force_ Leonardo to wait _seven years_ before he can have sex?"

**Author's Note:**

> Is it bad that I view Hueso as the kind of guy who pretends to be annoyed by Leo, only to be ready to get that queen treated on the house the minute Leo's in love?
> 
> Translations:
> 
> Watashitachi no musuko wa dokodesu ka?!: Where is my son?!
> 
> Anata wa hontōni watashi no musuko o ki ni shimasu ka?: Do you truly care about my son?
> 
> Hai, watashi wa totemo ki ni shimasu.: Yes, I care very much.
> 
> Watashi wa Reonarudo o yorokoba seru tame ni nandemo shimasu. Kare no shiawase to anzen o kakuho suru tame.: I do everything to please Leonardo. To ensure his happiness and security.


End file.
